I am not feeling any better. Still frustrated at being home – all my friends from school live in BC or Washington or somewhere else, and I'm terribly lonely here. My greatest fear is being alone, and it comes true every summer. Tonight I burst out at my parents because I'm so frustrated with being alone and bored. Every night I come home and sit around until bedtime, and tonight I wanted to go to a particular Chinese grocery store to get some ginger/honey drink mix. Dad said no, he's not driving me (can't be more than 10 miles) just for one thing. For some reason, that did it and I got all huffy, vented my frustration at him, went upstairs and cried. I went to the normal grocery store and got some chocolate instead.
I've started reading vociferously again. Finished The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath today (I started yesterday). It sure as hell didn't help me feel happier. Next up is The Wars by Timothy Findley, which I read in OAC (grade 13) English and thought I'd read it again. I doubt it'll pull me out of this rut, though I think I remember it having a happy ending. I looked for All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque while I was at the library as well – read that in OAC English; it was a War Lit class. I'm glad I didn't find that one anyway since it's so bleak and I'd end up moping around for days. I got out A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess instead, though I doubt that's any better. I read the first half a while ago, then I had to return it to the liberry and never got around to finishing. The first half made me sick, and I can't remember where I left off, so I have to start at the beginning again.
I also have a tendency to listen to awfully depressing music (Pedro the Lion usually does it for me) when I'm feeling down. I have no idea why. It doesn't make me happier, but it sure helps.
Enough mopey complaining. I made hummus tonight (made the tahini from scratch as well). It's GARLICKY. mmm.
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